Facebook Rules 101

The definition of the term "friend" as found on Google Definitions is this : A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Don't you think that it is kind of weird that on facebook, I have 952 friends? 952 people and I have a mutual affection. Really? No. I don't even know if I have a mutual affection with 50 people. I know a lot of people, and I like them, but my friends-or people that I want to know everything about me are pretty limited.

I feel like all of my life, I've been so worried about hurting other people's feelings that I accepted everyone that I have met at least once in my life as a "friend" on facebook. There are only so many people that I really want to know what's going on in my life. Do I really need that kid that I met at camp 3 years ago to still know that I exist? Or how about the girl that made me quit the basketball team freshman year? Do i really need to have all of my ex boyfriend's information at my finger tips?

This blog is going to lay out a few guidelines for me. I am on a mission to delete 200 people off of my "friends" list.

Reasons to delete someone:

#1 Would you say hi to them if you saw them at wal*mart? What about have a short conversation?

#2 How many times have you seen this person in your life? If it's less than 10, you probably should delete them.

#3 Would this person even notice if you deleted them? I doubt 952 people look at my profile daily or even yearly.

#4 Do I like them? This sounds weird, but do I really need to keep that one bitch from high school that made me miserable? Doubt it.

#5 Are they still in high school? I'm a sophomore in college, do I really need a 14 year-old as my friend?

I mean, there are always exceptions (like my best friends little sister or my brother's best friend) but I definitely think that I can delete 200 people. It's going to take me a while, but that's my goal for the week.

The Holiday

Once in a while you hear something, and you think, "Man. That's exactly how I felt." This quote is from the holiday. Iris says it to her soon-to-be-lover. Who is going through his own love troubles.

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "

Enjoy!

Things I will miss about home...

I decided that I was going to write this as a "going away" blog, but things got really busy, and I'm a procrastinator. Now that I am settled in, I am going to share the few, precious things that I will miss about home.

#1 My family of course!

I am one of the luckiest kids out there because I love my mother to death. We are really close, and I don't know what I would do without her advice.

My brother is seriously the funniest kid I know. He knows how to make me smile no matter how shitty I'm feeling.

My grandparents. Man. They are the coolest. My mimi took me to Vegas this summer, and I don't think I've ever had so much fun in my life! And, if you want a good steak, forget the 5 star restaurants, just come hang out with my papa for a bit.

#2 My pets.

I have two gay dogs :) They are in love. Old Yeller, my lab found his companion when I was in the 5th grade. His name is Einstein, and he's a black cocker spaniel.

I also have two cats. Sandy and Spook. I miss Sandy sooooo much. He sleeps with me every night, and it's weird sleeping without him. :(

#3 My friends.

My best friends, KP, Lakan, and Morgan made my summer worthwhile. I don't know what I would do without them.

#4 The pool. I know that I say I hate it, but I secretly love blowing my whistle at stupid kids. :)

#5 Sonic runs with Kenzie Froebe :) or soon to be Mrs. Ballew ;)

#6 Philly :) Even though everyone on the guard staff thought that we were in love, he still is my best friend. I think that we learned a lot from each other this summer, and I hope that we stay close forever...who knows? Man of honor? eh. nah. That might be weird....

#7 Tennis. I know that I didn't get out as much as I wanted to this summer, but I hate playing anywhere else but Ken Brown Tennis Courts.

#8 My friend's parents. Cheesy and "kiss ass" I know, but seriously. Tisha will most definitely read this, and I hope she smiles. She was hilarious this summer.

#9 Ane Maes. They seriously have the best coffee, and I love how "homie" the shop feels.

#10 Mandatory trips around the oval. Every night. No matter what.

That basically covers it. Not too interesting, I know, butttttt whatever. Peace <3

Rules of the Pool Continued...

My brother, Lane, has been a lifeguard for the entire summer, and he read my blog tonight about guarding last summer. He has a few adjustments.

#1 C-section scars are not cute.

#2 I've seen more fake boobs this summer than I've seen real ones.

#3 Stop doing gainers off the boards. They don't make you look cool. You look like a doucher.

#4 Stupid gingers.

#5 Work is better when your boss is black.

#6 Why are there always condom commercials on the radio?

#7 No you can't wear your shirt on the diving boards.

#8 Stop helping your 10 year olds across the lilly pads. They can do it themselves.

#9 Jesus Juice is amazing.

#10 Nothing's better than a train down the toilet bowl.

#11 Don't ask me to work for you the day of. I wont. I probably wouldn't work for you anyways.

#12 If you're bigger than a size 10, wear a one piece, and if you're a man: wear a shirt---unless your muscular (no homo).

#13 Stop hitting on the lifeguards. We don't want to date your 80 year old ass.

#14 Smart ass parents can shove it.

#15 Pay me MINIMUM WAGE! This $6.50 crap is bullshit. Seriously.

Yeah. He has anger issues :).

Summer Life Lessons

So. As many of you know: it has been a rough summer. But I do believe that you can pull good from the bad, and that is what I am trying to accomplish here. So in no particular order, here are the things that I learned this summer.

#1 Right now, it is much more important to find your bridesmaids than your groom.

#2 Love yourself. If you can't, no one else will. Be happy with the body God gave you, and treat it right.

#3 Speaking of the guy, God is a pretty neat fellow. Go to church.

#4 You can only control yourself. You can't make anybody do anything. No one is going to love you because you want them to.

#5 Buy clothes that fit. Stop trying to squeeze yourself into size 0 jeans from Freshman year or size 2 jeans from junior year.

#6 Children are fabulous. They don't have a care in the world. Teaching private and public swim lessons makes me really happy. Anyway, if you know anyone that needs some, hook me up :)

#7 Family should be really important to you. When everyone else dips out, your family will stand beside you.

#8 "Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out." -Hello Dolly! (But seriously: dressing up can transform your mood.) Barbra Streisand is a genius. Watch Funny Girl and Hello Dolly! sometime

#9 . Men are all the same. Men are ass holes. But. On the other hand, they are all teddy bears, and each one has the ability to love.

#10 Don't settle for a man that doesn't treat you right. Your significant other should make you feel good about yourself. They should like you the way you are. Don't put up with any bull shit. You don't deserve it.

Well There are 10 things that I have learned this summer. Enjoy!

**Comment here or post on my facebook and tell me how you feel, or what other topics you would like to hear about :)

Late Night Thoughts From Yours Truly

So I've been in Vegas for the last four days, and I have a bit of Jet lag. It's 1:13 here/ 11:13 there. I'm not sleepy at all! And since I'm the only one awake in my house, I've been having these just brilliant thoughts.

1. People like to read numbered/bulleted lists because it's easy.
2. You shouldn't blog about your day. Its boring. Keep it to a minimum of 5 sentences.
3. Jenna Marbles is a genius.
4. I don't think people ever change. You just change your perspective of them.
5. Not one single boy under God's green earth will ever understand when you just want to be friends. Even if you have a valid reason...like oh, I don't know, your heart is already broken? Nah. That's not good enough.
6. Couples who break-up/divorce can never really be "just friends" again. If you're talking/hanging out: guess what? You still love them. Duh. Kiss and make up, or stop hanging out.
7. Men are not worth ruining friendships. They aren't worth ruining relationships either (his or yours).
8. The hardest part about putting your thoughts on the internet is that everyone is going to see it. I know that's the intention, butttttt people are so easily offended these days.
9. The most interesting things to read are slightly offensive/bitchy.
10. Girls just want to feel pretty. Pretty and wanted. So guys: find one and treat her like a princess. Hold her and tell her that she's beautiful.
11. Facebook is terrible all around. EVERYONE creeps, and while it's interesting and entertaining...it's kind of sick, right? I mean you look and see what your ex posted on some other chicks wall, and you think, "What the fuck? Really? her?" Totally unhealthy.
12. Every girl wants to be a size 2 with C cup boobs and a six pack; in reality, only like 5% of our population looks like that, so why do we all try?
13. I don't believe that there is anything wrong with dreaming; sometimes it is better to dream realistically though.
14. Hometowns are great for these things: seeing your family, seeing your high school buddies, and buying groceries for when you go back to school. I never want to be here again for more than a month for Christmas ever again, but it'll probably happen. ugh
15. Spell check has saved me about 4 times since I started writing this blog.

So there are 15ish random, semi-profound thoughts..

"I just don't want to be hampered by my own limitations." -Barbra Streisand

Good night!

This is for all of the other lifeguards out there.

So, I've officially been a lifeguard at the local Aquatic Center for about a month. Here are a few thoughts, annoyances, and suggestions coming from someone who sees everything under the sun.

#1 Just because you wear a tshirt over your swimsuit doesn't mean that you look skinnier.

#2 Pregnant people are not cute in bikinis.

#3 If you have already had a kid, stick to a one piece or a tankini.

#4 The same people come to the pool every day.

#5 Those are the worst people.

#6 If you tell a kid no, they will go get their parents, and then you have to tell them no.

#7 Safety break is the best 15 minutes of the day.

#8 Too many old guys go off the diving board to prove that they can still do cool tricks.

#9 If you can't swim, don't go off the diving boards or down the bowl slide.

#10 Yes, you have to use a tube in the lazy river. Stop asking.

#11 Speedos are made for sport competition, not to wear on a day out. Gross.

#12 Just because you're in love doesn't mean that you need to make babies in the pool.

#13 On average, 1 out of 5 people pee in the pool. Don't drink the water.

#14 A whistle at the pool is pointless.

#15 If your child is under of the age of 2. Buy little swimmers.

#16 Being a lifeguard is pretty much like being a glorified babysitter.

#17 If you're the only person in the water, get out.